so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
