I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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