you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
