He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
His nipple licking is glorious
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