Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
