So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
