We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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