would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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