it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
