WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
