Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
