if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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