tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
