I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
