hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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