So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i think i just lost a toe
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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