idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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