Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
