So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
