i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
