i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
