can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
