So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
