Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
