o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
