the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
