It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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