So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
