i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
