have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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