i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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