I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
