Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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