If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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