Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dual....:-)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
