They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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