I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
