I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
