oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
