Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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