I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
