"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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