it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
