i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
