You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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