I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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