Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
