the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
