He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
