im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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