People with herpes should wear stickers.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
