She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
