Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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